Have just been appointed king of Moria. Get to put up nifty flag, but Misty Mountains v. lonely.
Iron Hills Dwarves look strong and sturdy, but Blue Mountains army kind of small. Suspect they are in need of growth spurt. On plus side, they are a v. cute army. Maybe useful that way.
Dark Lord just gave me pretty ring. Gave out 18 others, too. From stuffy Elves and Men's reactions, suspect have been short-changed. But, my ring definitely shiniest. Suddenly have will to govern.
Already considering where to mine Dwarrowdelf. Blue Mountains Dwarves worried about finding it. Kind whiney that way.
I like being King. V. nice setup, really.
Blue Mountains Dwarves craftier than expected. Will have to keep close eye on them. Wonder if any leader has ever considered advantages of being disembodied eye...
Still puzzling over where to put Moria. Had a place in mind, but snippy Human farmer living there and might get mad. Would like to see him try to take Dwarf army.
Sauron asking v. scary questions of Illuvatar. Am v. glad am not Elendil. King of Men sounds doomed...
Elendil and Gil-Galad want my pretty Arkenstone. Must keep them from getting it. Am v. fond of shiny things. Wouldn't mind being king of magpies, someday.
Must find blunt instruments. V. useful things. Also, can be shiny!
Preparing for cold night ahead. Caradhras maybe not garden spot of Middle Earth, after all.
Many Elves about. Cirdan and Celebrian making fun of Moria symbol. Snippy immortals have v. little taste. May yet throw in with Men, but Elves right out. Although, they did give me shelter. Glorfindel maybe not so bad. But, always exceptions to rules.
Suspect Amroth of desiring to be a Balrog. Arrived v. late with
Balrog and is passing around a drink called fireball. Balrog on other
hand, trying to poison everyone.
Nimrodel's Hounds of Valinor v. good watch dogs. Will lick to death any intruders. It is v. easy to feel safe here.
Galadriel now making fun of my Moria symbol. Am beginning to think Elves don't like Dwarves...
Fire hot, but not much wood. V. cold now. Time to sleep.
Woke up v. cold. Elf tent helpful, but still not v. warm. Must find warmer blankets, eventually.
Have been called by Valar. Must go. They want to give me my nice flag. Niftiest flag in all of Middle Earth!
Hiked up Misty Mountains with Aule. Established Moria with his
blessing. Is boring place, really.
Have called other six Dwarf Lords to a meeting. Need to show them Moria and get their rings. All lords but Bavor came. Am surprised Dwarf lords that worried about finding Moria. Can definitely use this to my advantage.
Parleyed with Elves of Ost-in-Edhil and Easterling Kabuki players.
Elves offering gratitude, Easterlings offering sushi. Suspect meal
plan may be better deal.
Back at Moria, other five Dwarves retrieved their rings. Mine
still shiniest! Have heard from Dwalin and Thrar that Sauron's Troll
gave Bavor the Arkenstone. V. good news. Shiny thing found,
Two Balrogs, Orc, and others came up Misty Mountains trying to find Moria. Came with further meal plan and podiatric health plan. Still heard nothing from Men and have only heard teasing from Elves. Mutual decision from Dwarf Lords to support Sauron.
Strange, but Ring seems to be glowing now. Also, have more will
to govern. Have will to dominate, even.
Have found Lord Bavor's dead body. Men and Elves have plundered ring and Arkenstone. Shiny things lost. Must take revenge.
Silly Elves already lost one of their rings. Sauron happy as clam. Elendil already dead. Am now v. v. happy am not King of Men.
Evil army now marching. Have found Gil-Galad. Elf King now v. dead. Have captured Dunedain that looks awful lot like Elendil. Just as snippy, too. Also, killed some Elves and got Arkenstone back. Shiny thing as pretty as I remember.
Mental note: never ask Elves to make trebuchet. V. wimpy and ineffectual.
Evil army regrouped with Easterlings at Khand. Went to attack Osgiliath. Silly Men not guarding own citadel.
Suspect Elf lords hiding at Forlinden. After v. long hike, only
find three wimpy, weed-smoking Elves. Forlinden easily taken.
Podiatric health plan sounding more helpful all the time.
Balrog frolicking. Wondering if I should be scared of this...
Marched back to Ost-in-Edhil. Elves not guarding there, either. Decided to redecorate and rename. Elf citadel now decked out in black and skulls and called Minas Morgul. Creator of shiny Rings has v. good taste.
Have captured Elendil clone again. Suspect he is having trouble finding good army, too. Elves and Men hiding like rabbits.
Conquered Eryn Galen. Garden spot of Middle Earth, but, again, v. boring. Still no Elves.
Captured Elendil look-alike again. Not really v. fun any more.
Spotted Isildur. Prince of Men run v. fast.
Sauron convinced Dunedain to join his army. Gave man one of his shiny rings. Mine still shinier! Go me!
Conquered Fornost, then spotted Gil-Galad look-alike and good army.
Gave chase, but had to stop when Nazgul bumped head. Didn't think
non-corporeal form could get injured, but oh well. Good army got
away and disappeared again.
Isildur found once again. Still ran fast, but caught by evil army this time. Pretty sword shattered. Too bad, really. Was v. shiny sword. Prince of Men now dead. One down, one to go.
Podiatric health plan now looking v. v. nice.
Still no Elves. War abandoned due to apathy.
War over. Went to Valinor to drink bubbly sugar water and eat meat sandwiches and frozen sugar milk. Found many Elves in Halls of Mandos. Sauron congratulated them for their hiding skillz.
Podiatric health plan fell through. Suspect post-war budget cuts to blame. Am slightly put-out, but getting over it due to magic pain-killing candies. Think I will have another, in fact.
Illuvatar annoyed with Dwarves. Perhaps was bad idea to get other six lords their shiny rings, after all. But, thought of rings shining in sun just too good to pass up. How did they all end up at Moria, anyway? Seems strange. Cosmic loophole, perhaps.
On plus side, definitely earned title of "the Deathless." Am still v. glad am not Elendil.
Hopefully, will be reincarnated again soon. Hear there is a dragon who likes shiny things. Must get more shiny things than him. He who dies with most shiny things wins.