Just wanted to say a few things.
First of all, I only wrote this for fun and I meant no harm (psychologically or otherwise). Animaniacs and Babylon 5 both belong to Warner Brothers. No infringement on these rights was intended.
Next, the spoiler warning. This contains spoilers for season three and almost half of season four of _Babylon 5_.
Now that that's out of the way...
_Babbling 5 Years_
(Opening credits. Letter boxed, Yakko does the monologue, appropriate
scenes - however dysfunctional - go along)
Yakko: The Babbling Project was our last best hope for a rival to Trek. A really big station that spun and spun making you sick to watch it from the outside, located near some planet. A place where everyone just tried to get along...
Wakko: (popping on to screen) But not too hard. (cane pulls him off stage)
Yakko: (continuing) ... and make a little money on the side. It was home to Humans, Aliens, a bunch of guys with bad hair days, and...
Yakko & Wakko: The Warner Brothers.
Dot: And the Warner Sister.
Yakko: A bright thing in space - did I mention it was spinning - all alone in the ink. It was the dawn of the third age of Warner-kind - I think - the year this parody came upon the writers' minds. This is the story of the last of the Babbleling stations. The year is, um, uh...
Dot: Just make up a number.
Yakko: Uh, 2679. The name of the place is Babbling 5.
(shot of the station, it screeches to a halt in its rotation)
Wakko: (VO) Darn! Anyone got a quarter?
(coin noise, station starts spinning again)
Wakko: (VO) Thanks.
Yakko Warner as Captain Sheriyak
Wakko Warner as Security Chief Gariwaki
Dot Warner as Commander Princess Angelina Cantesa Louisa Franchesca Banana Fana Fo Fesc-ova
Rita as Delacatt
Runt as Lenruff
Buttons as G'dog
Brain as Brain-o Moe-larry-curly
Pinky as Pir
Mindy as Na'min
Slappy as Dr. Slapen
Skippy as Dr. Hop-skip-jump
The Professor and Marianne
the Wheel of Morality as Kwham
(Scene one. Yakko and Dot, in parodied EF uniforms, are waiting for someone to come through customs. Various beings come through including at least 3 Elvisi, a guy with a really long, really ugly striped scarf, a guy in a plaid bathrobe, a few in Star Trek uniforms looking lost, two FBI agents, a two headed centaur thing, and a guy in black carrying a brightly lit green sword - if you get all of those, ten points.)
Dot: So who are we waiting for again?
Yakko: Some unannounced, official-type person.
Dot: (sarcastic) Thanks for being specific, Yakko.
Yakko: You're welcome.
(official-type comes through customs and approaches the Warners)
End-over-end: Captain Sheriyak. Commander Princess Angelina Cantesa Louisa Franchesca Banana Fana Fo Fesc-ova.
Dot: Commander Dot's fine.
Yakko: All right let's cut to the chase. You're from Earth, you're investigating that black ship, we tell you we've never seen it, Delacatt says it's the bad guy, some Power Ranger comes to the station and says he needs help, we leave you with Gariwaki...
Wakko: (appering on screen) Did someone call?
Yakko: (continuing) ...and fly off in a great big ship to rescue more Power Rangers, come back and lie to you about where we've been. Did I miss anything?
Dot: (holding script, flipping throught it) Nope.
Yakko: Okay then!
(Warners push End-over-end back through customs)
Wakko: Bon voyageee.
Yakko: Don't forget to write.
Dot: Actually do, and have a nice life.
(Scene two. Kosh's quarters. Yakko enters wearing a gas
mask. As he passes the camera he makes a googie-face against the
glass. The Wheel of Morality is sitting in the room with a note attached.)
Yakko: (reading note) Dear Captain Sheriyak. Had to go to the little Vorlons' room. Back when the hour of running around like an idiot is over. This will give you the same effect. Signed, Kwahm. (shrugs, turns wheel) Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell me the lesson that I should learn. And the moral is (tears paper from printer, reads) "You have always been here." (shrugs and shakes head at camera) Oh well. (exits)
(Scene three. A planet. Mindy walks up to a Narn who is rushing
Mindy: Hiya Mr. Green-head man. Watcha doin?
Narn: Because the Centauri are attacking.
Narn: Because they are bloodthirsty villains.
Narn: Because they want to kill off our people.
Narn: Because they think we are a scourge.
Narn: You got me, kid.
Mindy: Okay, I love you, buh-bye!
(Mindy leaves as Buttons comes running after her. The Narn runs in terror. Buttons whimpers and a boulder smacks the ground. Camera pulls back to show a vid screen in the B5 Zodeeoh with a bunch of people gasping. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot go by.)
Wakko: So what now?
Yakko: (pulling out script) It says here that we have to break away from Earth in a big spectacular fight while a big hand to hand battle goes on.
Dot: And what do I do?
Yakko: (taking on an I'm-so-deprived look and tone) You get to fly in a Starfurry (that's supposed to be furry not fury, as in hairy - Sarah).
Dot: Yeah! Naa naa! (runs off)
Wakko: I never get to fly the Starfurry.
Yakko: Come sib'. We must prepare for battle!
(the remaining Warners walk off)
(Scene four. C,D, & E. Yakko looks out the window at
a bunch of explosions. Dot, in a hair-covered Starfury, goes careening
Yakko: (whining) I wanna do that.
(Scene five. The Bore Room. Yakko is sitting at the table
when Rita comes up to him and takes the seat next to him.)
Rita: All right, let's get this smutty scene over with. Dot says you're cranky.
Yakko: I didn't get to fly the Starfurry.
Rita: Stick to the script, will ya'.
Yakko: Cranky, grouchy, crochety, blah, blah, blah. I can't find a pattern (grabs red marker, writes on screen) except that when you play connect the dots you get a horsey.
Rita: (slightly peeved, sarcastic) You missed the mane.
Yakko: You noticed that too? Hmm. Maybe that's where they're going next.
Rita: (raises eyebrow, turns to camera) And he's supposed to be the captain?
(Scene six. Somewhere in Downdown. Slappy walks on screen.)
Slappy: What's with this Walkabout thing? I'm too old to keep walking. Eh, I'll take a load off for a while. (sits on top of boxes as big ugly mean guys come up to her.) What do you want?
Guy 1: (pulling out knife) Uh, your purse, duh.
Guy 2: (putting out hands) Yeah, give it up!
Slappy: (handing Guy 2 her purse) Okay. But you asked for it. (runs off screen as Guy 2 opens purse. Purse explodes, Guys 1&2 disintegrate into two piles of ash. Slappy returns and picks up undamaged purse.) Acme exploding purse. Garunteed to blast the bad guys,
not your stuff. (grins at camera)
(Scene seven. The door to Sheriyak's quarters opens. A sign
flashes on screen saying "due to the sap content of this scene, only the
sound will be aired." We hear a glass break as the door opens.)
Minerva: You must be Delacatt. I'm Minerva Sheriyak, uh, uh. Psst, what's his first name?
Nameless Voice: Yon.
Minerva: Thanks. Yon's wife.
Yakko: Helloooooo nurse!!! Let me go learn your secrets.
Rita: Cop out.
(Scene eight. Room on D'da'daa.)
Lesden: So you see, the Shades look for chaos while the Vorlons look for order. And we want you to help us.
Yakko: Cool! Where do I sign?
Justhat: (slaps forehead) No, no, no. You're supposed to say no and jump off the cliff while setting off a big bomb.
(Lesden and Minerva glare at Justhat.)
Justhat: What'd I say?
Yakko: (pulling TNT out of a bag) If you say so. (lights the fuse and runs to the cliff with giant bug at his heals. Stops suddenly.) Hold it! (pulls out the Wheel of Morality) Wheel of Morality turn turn turn. Tell me the lesson that I should learn. (tearing paper from printer, reading) cannonball. (shrugs, jumps off cliff, tossing the TNT to the giant bug.) CANNONBALL!!!!! (he decends into a familiar gorge with a river at the bottom as the TNT blows up on the top of the cliff.)
(Scene nine. Outside Babbling 5 station. Wakko in a hair-covered
Wakko: I finally get to fly one of these suckers!
(a big dark thing looms over him, he looks up shiny eyed and excited.)
Wakko: TAKE ME TO ELVIS!!!
(Scene ten. Pinky and Brain walk along the Zodeeoh with the hair
on top of their heads frizzed up.)
Pinky: Narf! So what we gonna do tonight?
Pinky: Right, take over the world. Poit!
Brain: Correct Pinky! By allying ourselves with the Shades no one will be able to stop us.
(Narns with bats surround them, the mices' ears droop, they get beat up.)
(Scene eleven. Dot and Rita are sitting in the Bore Room.)
Dot: (obviously acting crying eyes out) Ohhhhh! Captain Sheriyak is Goooonnnnneee! Ohhhhhhh!
Rita: (reading script on table) Oh, no. What will I ever do without Yon. (looks up from script.) Please! Dot, we gotta give this scene some depth.
Dot: (paging through script) Hmm. You're right. Let's see; seven days since we lost Sheriyak and Gariwaki, explosion on D'da'daa, Hour of the Wolf... Hey that's it!
(Dot whispers in Rita's ear, Rita make approving noises. Dot wheels in a piano, Rita brings in Runt who sits at the piano. Parodied versions of Corwin and Zack are in the background doing tenor and base harmony, Rita and Dot break into song about the hour of the wolf. Eventually, disco lights and a disco ball appear in the Bore Room, leading to a finale with fireworks.)
Rita: Wait! If we're all here who's running the station?
(pause, everyone blinks, everyone screams and runs in various directions.)
(Scene twelve. Caves on D'da'daa. Yakko seems to be looking
for a way out. Guy with jewel in forehead comes up to him and taps
him on the shoulder.)
Yakko: Huh? Oh yeah! Lodeeda! Let's do this quick we're running out of time. Share fire? Sure! Who are you? That's a good question. What do you want? That's a dangerous question. Why am I here? That's a good question, too. What's your name? Lodeeda, but it doesn't matter. I keep searching for a way out, and you keep preaching. I eventually surrender to "tock" and you take me back to the station. Did I miss anything?
(Lodeeda cocks eyebrow at camera.)
(Scene thirteen. A shuttle with Zack inside is persuing a transport.)
Zack: C,D,&E we've got the transport within range... Hello? Is this thing on?
Rita: (over comm.) Is this the right button? Oh good. Do what you want, shuttle one.
Zack: Ambassador Delacatt? Where's Commander Dot?
Rita: (over comm.) Out in a _White Blur_ looking for some first bums. Ya' know, those guys who are hiding because they don't wanna fight. (explosions) Better hurry, it looks like they're starting the scene without ya'.
Zack: (mumbeling) Knew I shouldn't given up my day job. (acting) Oh look. A life pod, it must be Chief Gariwaki. Never mind that it would've been smarter for the crew to evacuate instead of getting rid of their prisoner. This sounds fishy, but what the heck.
(Scene fourteen. Inside the life pod. Wakko wakes up and
lights above his head start flashing.)
Wakko: Whoa! Look at the pretty colors dude! (pulls out John Lennon glasses.)
(Scene fifteen. Deadlab. A bunch of guys wheel Wakko in
on a stretcher. Zack follows. We follow the camera in
where Slappy and Skippy are.)
Skippy: Hey aunt Slappy! Look who's back!
Slappy: Oh good. This show was getting too belchless. We're lucky.
(Slappy, Skippy and the stretcher go off camera. We hear a belch. Zack sighs.)
Zack: (sarcastic) Sure. We were REAL lucky. Just what we need more belches. And what about that mind control, huh? No one ever listens to the Junior Officers!
(camera pans back to show and empty room. Zack looks at the camera exasperated.)
(Scene sixteen. A bunch of guys are racing on foot to the docking
bay. Zack and Wakko are among them.)
Wakko: (singing) Yapapa, yapapa, I don't know what to do.
(Zack stops short and starts beating his head against the wall.)
Wakko: (from off stage) Look who's back!
(Zack looks down the hall, then runs screaming.)
(Scene seventeen. Yakko, Rita, Runt, and Lodeeda are on the _White
Blur_. There is a big black cloud outside the ship and images of
a big black bug and the Wheel of Morality inside. Lodeeda opens mouth
Yakko: Thanks for the pep talk.
(Lodeeda gets annoyed expression.)
Yakko: Okay listen up. We want this universe! Leave, it's ours now!
Rita: Yeah, no one likes you!
Yakko: (pushing Lodeeda with the images) You go with 'em. We don't like you either.
(Lodeeda shrugs to images)
(Scene eighteen. Later, Yakko and Rita are sitting by the window
as the _White Blur_ approaches the station.)
Yakko: So, now what?
Rita: Who cares, the parody is almost over.
Yakko: I mean for this universe. What will happen? Just 'cause the first bums are gone doesn't mean the end of the story. What about Earth? And what ever happened to Mr. Gariwaki?
Rita: Yakko, you got too into your part. Get over it, will 'ya.
Yakko: Yeah, I guess so.
(camera goes through window to show an unobstructed view of the station. It stops rotating.)
Wakko: (voice over) Darn. I need a quarter!
(Iris out. "The end." Coin noise.)
Wakko: (voice over) Thanks!
("the end" starts spinning and goes off screen like a top.)
Well, hope you all enjoyed. As always, looking for R/R!