Notes: No, there are not formatting problems in this
fanfic. This is how it is supposed to be.
This narrative style deviates quite a lot from the
norm. It is not due to laziness or a lack of knowledge of the narrative
form. It’s an attempt to express a rather abstract idea in the form
of words and writing, so essentially it is an experiment to see if I can
make it work out correctly. There is also a rather heavy hint of
tribute to one of my favorite authors and you get extra brownie points
if you know who it is. ^_^
PLEASE review this piece!!!!! I know
I say it all the time, but this time more than any other I want reviews.
You know, the constructive ones not just “I don’t get it” or “wow.”
I would REALLY appreciate knowing what this piece made you think of.
It’s the only way I’m going to know if I made it work. So please
please please please review! K? K!
Enjoy! ^_^
*********
Lightsabers hummed and whistled in rhythm,
the only sound that broke the oppressive silence. Rhythm, pulsing
out an even, finite amount of time.
Time, cursed time!
As the Sith’s dark thoughts pushed against
me in the Force, I could feel the demonic presence of his rage, his anger.
The Dark Side was strong with him.
My tired, old bones made their presence known,
raging against that strain I am putting on them. There was a time
when this battle would have been a much easier thing. But then, I
was years younger then.
Time. Always time. Why is it that
I feel as if mine is running out? Why now, of all moments, am I so
conscious of the flow of time. My focus should be on this battle.
Why will time not leave me be?
I feel, too, the oppressive thoughts of my
apprentice, desperately watching, willing for time to speed up. He
doesn’t understand. Have I taught him so little?
He looked at me with eyes of defiance.
In that moment, it became painfully aware to me that he had made his choice.
As he handed me his lightsaber, I could tell that his mind was made up
and that stabbed me harder than if he had used the lightsaber to run me
through.
“You may go, Qui-Gon Jinn,” the boy said to
me, “but I will stay.”
Perhaps it was spite that made me do it.
Perhaps, in that moment, even Obi-Wan was more of a Jedi than I was.
But I left. Force forgive me for what I did to the boy, but I left
him there, alone and confused.
He did not understand what he was feeling,
for what Jedi truly can? That emotion is the one thing we Jedi are
truly inexperienced in. It is a choice we make, like so, so many
others. We are insulated from it since childhood, but of course that
means that we do not know what it looks like.
So how could I have not noticed it?
It was what drove my spite in that moment and because of that I noticed
neither.
“I grieve for a life lost. And I
thank all who taught me for my grief. It does not make me weak, it
makes me strong.” He moved quickly; much quicker than I thought he
could with a stiff ankle. A flash of blue signaled the igniting of
his lightsaber and he whirled, striking at Xanatos. “Stronger than
you.”
I knew they were different. I had known
it in my mind before. But seeing them there, feeling both their thoughts
as I could through the Force, I knew it in my heart as well.
Obi-Wan spoke the truth, without malice, without
pain, with peace over anger.
But oh, the time we had lost. Time,
always accursed time.
He looked out the window and for a moment,
perhaps it was the glare of the nearby star, he looked older. He
was sad, careworn, but he was still himself. I could see it in his
eyes. He was still a Jedi. But he took no notice of this apparition.
The rhythms continue, ticking by precious
moments. They tell me that I am running toward an end. It will
not tell me the end of what, curse it.
The Sith manages to hit me in the face.
Time stops.
i can feel him in the force he knows it is
coming and yet there is nothing i can do about it there is nothing he can
do about it he anguishes at this i want nothing more than to cure it
no
the cry echoes off the metal walls
no no
this is times end this is the way it is to
stop stabbing piercing the beam of red run right through me
no
the cry is louder now it is coming from him
and i cannot stop it the force bounces between us it binds us together
it speaks in a clear voice come and i i cannot
go yet and it the purpose is here you must come to us now just as all do
in their proper time and i this time is not proper and it do you presume
to know my will and i i presume nothing and it but you do and i i do not
presume i know just as you have taught me and told me and shown me and
it yet now you deny me why have you learned nothing from me abandoned as
you were by your teacher and by your first apprentice you more than others
should know of the balance i seek in myself and i this is not balance i
cannot leave yet and it you saw with unclouded eyes as you were meant your
purpose here is over it is their time now and i i cannot leave him he is
not ready he will not take his turn he will not listen and it so little
faith you have in me now that time is here he will listen and he will learn
and he will do as he is destined and i will you control him and it no that
is not my way but i have made him and he will do as he was meant come you
will see and i but time is ending and it it is temporary join your will
to mine and it will pass and i temporary and it from me you came and to
me you will return and i temporary and it come with me now and you will
see what happens next and i temporary
and he cries holding me as the battle rages
on and i you must train the boy and he no master and i he is the chosen
one train him promise me and he yes master
and it you must come and i i cannot leave
him and it come with me and you will not and i no it is not the time and
it it is the end of time and i it cannot be so look at him he is yours
and he is not ready i cannot leave and it you have come so far to not believe
in me now and i i believe and it then come with me now willingly and leave
him for but a moment it is temporary and i temporary and it it is the end
of time and i temporary and he come and i no and it my dear one is this
truly your choice and i i must remain and it then your faith in this moment
has failed and i my faith in you remains but you are wrong
i will remain
i will remain
it is
not
time
it is not
…